3.29.2012

New Season of Life; Handling Blessing

For the last 33 months, with a break of 5 months in the middle, my husband has been on "reduced salary."  If you want to discuss hand to mouth living, I can.  Things would have gone substantially better over the long haul if I had been astute enough to not believe reports that it was just for one month, just until November.  Febuary.  April.  When I was believing reports of temporary, I charged some stuff.  I have had a lot of shame over that.  I would have done differently, if I had realized the scope of what was going on.

I have served my family foods from my freezer whose age I knew to be older than 3 years.  I have gone literally months without spending $100 in groceries.  I used what was in the cabinet; prayed over what was left in the freezer and scavenged and scrounged (still using leftover condiments from last years Track Team Picnic).

The kids were scholarshipped for Track.  Our adoption was a freaking miracle.  We paid our last car payment the month before I got home with Small Fry.  I got a little job cleaning.  People created barter situations.  I had to humble myself to apply to the church benevolent fund.

I questioned God a lot.

"What are You doing?" 

"You said..."  to move here

"I know I can't handle anymore."  the girls got hurt

"Now, I can't handle one more thing."   traveling to get your child is supposed to be fun

"Nothing else.  Please."    the surgery is long past due

"I have no strength left.  I will not survive."   where will the next blow come from

"I'm done." it's never been just about the money; it was also the discouragement

And then...

Indeed, it was for my own welfare
that I had such great bitterness;
but Your love has delivered me
from the Pit of destruction, 
for You have thrown all my sins behind Your back.  Is. 38:17

Look, I am about to do something new;
even now it is coming. Do you not see it?
Indeed, I will make a way in the wilderness,
rivers in the desert. Is. 43:17

And the rivers flow.

When we would talk about just needing to survive, there was always a good Christian brother or sister there to say, "Riches can be just as much of a trial."  I wasn't asking for riches.  I wanted to put a ham hock in the beans.

We aren't about to be rich.  We are about to have enough.  It makes me realize, I have "gotten by" for so long, I have forgotten how to plan ahead.  I need to hone my skills.

 To glorify the One Who Sees.




10 comments:

Carrie - ASassyRedhead.com said...

This is brilliant.

I have learned through life, God always makes a way. Even when I'm losing my grip and starting to tumble, He catches me every single time.

I've said it so many times, but the only thing constant in my life is my faith. It's hard to remember during the tough times...but I'm always reminded.

You hang in there. You're a stronger testament because of the trials you have stomped all over.

Your sweet spirit shines and does so much for me.

Lots of love.

Jennifer said...

I heard this sermon once about how God uses your lowest point to show great things can be. When you are so far down that you think you can never get back up, that's when He can really use you for good. Not necessarily when you are in the low. But imagine the testimony when you are in the high. I try to remind myself of that when I'm going through something rough. I'll pray, "God I don't know why I have to go through this, but you do and I can't wait to see what you have for me on the other side."

Maggie S. said...

Y'all are my freaking rock(s). I don't know how I would have made it without your encouragement.

Blond Duck said...

Popped in from SITS! As hard as it is, trust your faith will get you through it!

Shell said...

I get overwhelmed when things keep piling on. And I'll admit, I question God.

Adrienne said...

I'm sorry things are hard right now. Even if they are turning around slowly, at least they are in fact turning.

It's so hard when we don't understand God's plan. Finances can really take it out of you.

That verse from Isaiah is one of my favorites!

Bonnie Ferrell said...

Stopped by from SITS...

God is your provider. Hang in there!

maggie g. said...

Hiya Maggie- I am a 44 yr old adoptive mom married to an architect named maggie too- Hang in there, you are a great mom and you write beautifully :-)thanks for sharing
maggie

Penelope W said...

It's hard to deal with future uncertainty. I'm struggling about leaving a good job to become a sahm to my struggling traumatized little boy. We just have to trust. And God puts Angels in our lives to help us through.

feliciabiggins said...

Maggie, please don't feel shame for believing the pay reduction was temporary. It was the fault of the company for not being forthcoming about the extent of the financial problems!

I'm not a religious person myself but I admire your strength and faith.